Every relationship has speed bumps.

Oh I suppose you are correct kota, will you get out of the comments and into the answers?

I generally find these things out before asking a person out.

Those examples would make a good screening process for potential dates, you shouldn't get involved with someone before you start asking how compatible you are.

I am all for screening before getting involved Gbob, but I'm not sure how you can find out that much about a person before you date at least once or twice. Your right though, these examples make a good guideline for things you should be trying to find out about a person.

You can't imagine holding a conversation with someone before going out with them?

What have you been doing to choose who you'd go out with and who you won't?

lol, ok smart alec! = ) Yes, I talked with the person I am seeing now on line for two months before I agreed to meet him, and countless hours on the phone. BUT, I can say that no matter how much I thought I had a clear idea of who he is, I learned much more when I started actually dating him and STILL learn new things to this day. So, just sayin that I'm not sure one could ever completely screen accurately for all these things before dating. Unless you have some good interrogation tactics I need to know about, in which case, for god sakes share them with me bob!!

Sure, go straight for the topics everyone tells you to avoid, anything that may send a guy running for the hills, whip it out, if he's still there, you've got three months worth of tip-toeing around subjects covered in a few minutes, if the guy bails, you didn't want him for a long time anyway.

Religion, politics, friends, sexism, racism, family, what you want out of life, ethics...all good topics for finding out what makes a person tick.

you are a wise man, and I will remember the whip it out theory from here on out. I'm serious, because you are right. The biggest mistake we make (not sure if this is a woman thing or if we all do it) is tip toeing around subjects. For women maybe it is because we have had it drilled into our heads that men will bolt over anything. We have been trained to let him be in the driver seat and to hold back until we are relatively certain he is capable of dealing with the hard questions. The problem there... a lot of lost time when you find out he's not capable of the hard questions. So tell me the truth Bob, do men dance around the subjects as well? Maybe I will ask a Q about that later....

Men...women...I don't think it's a gender thing, I think it's a human thing, I was raised half Labrador.

funny, I was raised the other half!!!

This was one of the best duels I have read in a long, long time.

It's a discussion, not an arguement.

yes an exploration more than a duel = ) Thanks louie, I knew what you meant, and thanks Gbob for discussing your perspectives with me, I enjoyed your point of view.

I would have to comment that gbob has the best answer here. I thought the msn article was a joke. These are the things that are spoken about prior to any dating. I know what I like and I know what I dislike and to have to waste years of my life finding out he is the wrong guy for me isn't worth the effort nor the time.

Not being emotionally available is the top one for me.

yep = ) I think a lot of people find that same thing SMS. At least I've heard a lot of people say it.

Hey, meet me over at the cafe, you may be my soul mate. You see, I am overly availible. We would average out!!! Wouldn't that be swell?

Seriously, you should check out the soul-reader post on Çafe!!!

Hope your well.

@ david.....I'm not the one who is emotionally unavailable. lol

Hello Angel, I realized the past few months that my new girlfriend and I will not go any further in our relationship. As much as it will hurt we have reached the fork in our road and we will be going in different directions. She became a chronic complainer. Started talking about her x who treated her like $##$ and always wondering out loud if he was okay because she heard he was doing bad things (drugs) etc. She became very tight with money. Me on the other hand always spend, spend, spend. At first she liked sports, running with me, roller blading, and biking. All that stopped this summer so I did it alone. The sexual part was great from day one and still is. At this point in my life that isn't enough for me. I'm sure I have bad points also. I'm in no way perfect. I hung around for the final collapse of my last meaningful relationship. This time I am bailing out while we can still communicate without anger or malice. I just wonder who the girl was I met a year ago, was she the outgoing funny, beautiful women I couldn't wait to touch and see or was she keeping under cover the women who now lives with me. I never saw us as opposites. It appeared we were like twins who met after being separated at birth. So much for soul mates. So much for dreams. So much for being happy. I want to crawl into a hole somewhere and just cry her out of my life.

Louie, I am sorry to hear that things have slid away for you. I think we have all been there. Some of us more than once. I think people do put their best image forward and then tend to change and I don't think they do it on purpose. At least most don't. Still it leaves us wondering who that person was and what we might have missed in the beginning. My last relationship was such a shock to me. The man I met and the man I was married to for 10 years were night and day from each other. As though a switch was flipped. Suddenly the anger, the lies, the games all came flooding forward. The things he had pretended to be interested in, he refused to have anything to do with anymore. I was confused, sad, hurt, and silently angry beyond words. Like you I stuck around until the near disintegration of things. Wouldn't allow myself to give up or fail, until I was numb and dead of spirit. It's been a long road since, trying to find my way back to me. So much for dreams? So much for being happy? I think you will find both louie, and I think you know in your heart that she is out there somewhere. Good luck. Sweet men are a valuable commodity and you will be in high demand = ) And to top it off, you work with your hands. you got nottin to worry about!

Wow!
I am really impressed. Sharing is a good start, and this was well done.
Learn from your mistakes, and I bet you will do better next time!!!

Dv rder

Hi Angel, Thank you for your kind words. i see you also had your dreams shattered. We live, we love, we learn, then we go out and do it all over again. Ha ha, lol. Hey, on to the next challenge. You are one terrific lady and I thank you for your support. Getting someone new won't be a problem. It's getting totally rid of the old that is always the hardest part.

Thank you dAvid-reader. Sharing is a good start. I'm doing better already. I at least know what I must do.