I'm in a similar situation but with teenage and young adult stepdaughters who live with us. Although they bestow basic politeness by saying thank you when necessary (i.e. dinners), they barely acknowledge me in the house and are very resistent to any subtle and small changes I've made. If I'm in a room, they aren't. When talking, they will never converse or address me. I continually ask them if they need anything or want to come if I am going to the store to which they always decline, only to impose on a grandmother or aunt. I feel like a nobody.
Their father makes sure they are polite to me and I guess that is all I can ask for. He says as do other family members, that to them, being nice to me would be disloyal to their mother. I disagree. I had a step mom and it doesn't work that way.Everyday I try to be kind and everyday I get my feelings hurt. Sometimes I feel like my only recourse is to treat them as they treat me, but I'm better than that. I know two wrongs don't make a right.

The father should step in and tell her that you are his wife and at the very least she will be polite and civil to you. sorry but that is about the best you can do until the daughter sees things different... so just be good to her father, treat her with kindness and politeness....

Are you her biological mother? Sorry about being a big jerk. However I believe that divorce is wrong and is a disgrace. If I had a biological daughter and she started showing love toward a stepfather. My feelings would be hurt. She isn't disrespecting you because she hates you. She is disrespecting you because she loves her biological mother. Don't you care about what your step daughter is going through. It is selfish to only think about what you want and not what she wants. Let her disrespect you. Like I said I'm sorry about being a jerk. I am a christian and I believe God did not give you the authority to be this poor girls mother. God gave the biological mother the authority to be this girls mother. As a christian, I believe you are responsible for the family breaking up. I feel sorry for your step daughter's mother. She can't be a mom because of you. You are preventing that poor innocent women from being a good mom. Please leave this family and let them get back together. As long as you remain, this family will never get back together and your step daughter will never be happy. Ask yourself, do you care about how your step daughter feels or is she simply a figment of your imagination? Your step daughter will continue to refuse to greet you and be polite. That jerk you married is a big JERK. Let me repeat that once more, your husband is a jerk. If he left his first wife, what makes you think he won't leave you. Ever heard the expression "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Trust me, one of these days he will leave you and find someone else. If I were you I would leave and hope that one day that man you married would come to his sense and get back together with his first wife. Sorry about being such a big jerk. I'm sure your step daughters feels as if you stole her biological mother's family away from her. I know I'm being a jerk. My advice is to quite thinking about your step daughter being rude. Is that the only thing you can thin

Stephen S you need to lighten up. Reread what you just wrote. Don't sound to Christen to me. You accuse and insult people and use Christianity as your right to do so. Shame on you. Perhaps you should date the daughter you two would be perfect together

Dear Stephen, boy did you get it wrong. It was her mother that cheated on her father. What a sexist answer you gave me. Very presumptuous and hostile. My husband would not go back to a woman who had sex with his friends and his boss while he was out making money to support his family. I suppose if you would, you are a better man than he. See my pen name, Stephen, maybe you need one?

Yeah Steve- you arent sorry for being a jerk at all, you are just SORRY, as in : A poor excuse.Who taught you to talk to ANY woman this way? Your Opionion here is only a round about way to sling fire & brimstone at a woman you think is "bad" What woman in YOUR life, did something to YOU to make you this venomous?Stay away from women asking personal life situation questions here, you have no lifes knowledge about them in any positive way. Move you soapbox to your own website.

Rudeness there is no need for treat her as if she does not exist put her in coventry and she may get the message good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"treat her as if she does not exist" That is child abuse. No one should be neglecting a child just because he or she is rude. "Don't ask what your daughter can do for you, ask what you can do for your daughter." Also remember the golden rule. This girl is not a bad person, she is a young women who is going through the most difficult part of her life.

No you didn't cause her family to break up. It sounds like she wants' to be the cause of her father and you to break up. Start ignoring her. Don't ask for respect or a greeting. You are allowing her to ruin your happy life. Just blow her off and don't give her any recognition, act as if she doesn't exist. I guarantee you she will have a sudden change of manors

"Start ignoring her." Last time I checked ignorance is the opposite of love. Hate is not the opposite of love, ignorance is. That step daughter is not a figment of anyone's imagination. She is a human being and people shouldn't despise her. I feel sorry for her. She is not a bad person. She is a troubled individual who is struggling with the most difficult part of her life. I disagree with what you said louie/yogi. I've reread everything I wrote. I am not ashamed of myself and don't tell me to be ashamed of myself. I'm guessing that daughter is too young for me. Why don't you reread what you just wrote. You're claiming that ignorance, which is considered child abuse, is right. I'm a christian, a christian extremist and I believe everything I said is christian. Sorry if I offended you in any way.

You my christian brother are a sick person. I won't answer any of your questions so please spare me and don't answer mine. You need to rid yourself of all that anger. Take some happy pills and start praying

Don't call me a sick person. I never called you names and I expect you to do the same for me. Don't ever mock christians again, "Take some happy pills and start praying". I don't need to take happy pills and I will pray when I want to.

You're right Steve. You never called anyone names in this listing. You are only implying that those who disagree with you need to be medicated. How is that any better? Pray for yourself and ask to be shown the light. If you see it, run to it.

Assuming you have tried to talk to her, by yourself and with your husband, maybe she'll get over it, maybe she won't. We don't know that now. Do you or your husband have insurance that covers psychological/psychiatric help? If so, would the father consider asking/requiring her to go?

My husband does not require her to do anything. He says that outside putting "a gun to her head" to make her do what he suggests, he is stumped. He is a very nice man and wants no trouble. I have come to think that very nice people should not have kids if they are going to let them run the show.

I have suggested family counseling for the two of them, her alone, the two of us, you name it. He prefers to think that it is a problem that she and I have. No matter how many times I try to tell him that I am a stranger in this problem, he continues to think that he has no control or responsibility. He says he talks to her about it, but it goes nowhere. I try to ingore her and her attitude, but it does hurt me that someone that means so much to him treats me with such contempt. I have feelings, too. I guess I should go alone to conseling, but that would solve my end only and their problem would persist.

Thanks for taking the time to offer a suggestion and support regarding Stephen K's ranting and presumptuous answers. Someone tell him this is the 21st century, please. Cheating is an equal opportunity employer for the wife as well as the husband - not to mention what it does to the kids and their family.

Hell, if your husband will back you up on it ( and he SHOULD!)( why isnt he?) she wont be allowed to visit if she cant conduct herself civily and show common respect to you. Period.